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A Letter to the Sangha
from Shuso Hotei Tetsujin


Summer 2005 Ango

From the moment Roshi announced Joshin’s elevation to Shuso, the thought never strayed far from my mind—would I ever see that? Over the years my mind would return to it periodically. My response was always the same: I didn’t have what it took, my grasp was shaky...and so on, ad infinitum.

And yet, here it is. I am reminded of numerous childhood experiences that echo how I feel about it. I was (and still am), at best, an iffy swimmer. More than once, an older, stronger cousin—surrounded by her own equally strong cousins—would threaten to throw me into the local “bottomless lagoon” if I didn’t jump in and swim to the raft voluntarily. Inevitably, I would do it, and arrive at the raft, gasping for breath and shivering with sheer terror. I don’t know why I did it. What did it matter if I died by my own or their hands? The operative word was still “death.”

The water I am facing now is far deeper, and I am far less prepared. At least then I could swim, a little...whereas now, I feel totally out of my depth. But something has changed. Instead of a bullying cousin, I have a Roshi, who has nurtured, guided, cajoled (and scolded) me every step of the way. Instead of jeering sidekicks, I have the support of a sangha that has always made me feel welcome and valued.

As we enter this period of Ango, I can only say that I will do all in my power to be worthy of your faith in me. We have a strong sangha, and a generous one. Together we can make this a period of great exploration, stretching, growth, and profound peace.

In heartfelt gassho,
Hotei Tetsujin


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